The secret of sex education for parents needs to know

Robin Berman is a medical doctor, a psychiatrist and lead researcher on Reflective Parenting (a field of science developed based on "reflective fuctioning" - the ability to visualize his mental states and However, Reflective Parenting focuses on exploring the "reflective fuctioning" in the relationship between parents and children. In the process of working as a child psychiatry, she realized that the best way to help children is to change the awareness of parents. Therefore, she decided to devote her whole life to Parental Education.

Currently, Robin Berman is an assistant professor of psychiatry at David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and she also runs a private clinic. Her biggest concern is to promote the healthy development of children through tightening the deep, close relationship between parents and children.

In many studies, Berman has pointed out his parents' mistakes in setting out overly expecting children and raising children to be a happy child, from which she proposes some solutions. and lots of helpful tips to change their perceptions. Here are the tips she shared on Goop on how to educate sex for children that parents can refer to.

Most people probably remember the time when we had "conversations" with our parents. And now, when we are a father and mother, we can easily sympathize with the difficulties and awkwardness that before, whenever we mention something sensitive, parents often speak very quickly. or very vague.

Gender is an extremely difficult topic to share with children, but it is so important that it cannot be ignored.

1. What are the ways to feel less embarrassed if you want to talk to your children about gender? Are there any tips to help parents overcome emotional and mental obstacles?

In any discussion with potential children that are difficult to say, the first step that parents need to take is to be calm. Accepting that the subject of sex can make the conversation uncomfortable, partly because you will understand that sex is the beginning of the loss of chastity and that you will leave your father's protective arms. Mother - all of this is a very normal and healthy development. Children perceive the energy and follow the requirements we have given, so it is important to explain anxiety before starting discussion, maintain the best possible comfort and supply. provide information for children in the most straightforward and realistic way.

How to maintain calmness is best? That is to remind yourself that no one can tell you these things better than you - responsible fathers and mothers always love their children. And obviously, you don't want people to tell their children about gender as a friend or an expert on the Internet.

When it comes to parenting, the less pressure on parents, the less pressure on children. Also, do not show the fear or shame that perhaps we have experienced as children and for the first time educated parents about sex.

2. At exactly what age, parents should teach their children about gender?

There is no fixed age at all. This will change depending on the development of each child but now, as the Internet grows, it is better to share it with your child soon. In the past, childhood was always protected by a "shield" that is no Internet, no television, no newspapers . Now, life has changed.

Sadly, by 2016, according to calculations, the average age of appearing pornography on social networks is 11 years old and this figure shows that you have to share with your children related issues. to sex very soon (In some other countries like England and Canada, pornography must be purchased if you want to watch it, while in the US, these content are free 24/7 access that makes the responsibility The bigger the sex education for parents of children, the bigger it is.

In addition, parents need to pay attention to answering questions they ask. Unlike in our generation when sex education begins and ends with just one talk, this topic is always ongoing and does not stop. Show your actions so that you understand that you are always ready to give me the best answers and always emphasize your questions with affirmations such as: "Parents are happy when I wonder this." . In addition, the answers should also be flexible in order to be suitable for the development of your child's age - not too much information when your child is too young - simply answer the focus of the problem. understand.

3. Do you find that your children are also struggling or uncomfortable when they start talking about this issue like their parents? Are children willing to listen to "deeper" conversations than we think?

Most parents will be surprised when their children are comfortable and normal when they share their gender issues. Children are very curious and they want information. Therefore, creating an environment that makes children feel safe to ask questions is a very important part of the parenting process, not only about sex but also other issues.

4. What benefits will children receive when talking to parents about calculation?

Of course. Many studies show that open-minded, encouraging and enthusiastic parenting (Parental education) helps children when they grow up with dangerous sexual behavior. For example, one study showed that children who were discussed by their parents about how to use condoms at an early age were three times more likely to know how to use condoms than children. not taught about this. In addition, the scientists also confirmed that children with intimate connections with their parents are less likely to use stimulant drugs and rarely initiate early or dangerous sexual behaviors.

5. How to tell your child how to protect themselves against bad guys on the Internet and in real life?

In conversations with your child about the safety of using the Internet, set clear boundaries. "Chats" with strangers on the web should be banned and all social network settings should be switched to private. In addition, parents should manage their children's online activities as much as possible, especially children under 18 years old.

In real life, the most important thing that parents need to tell me is that my body is mine, I own it, I have to protect it and I have the right to say "no" to anyone Any other. No one is allowed to touch the child if you don't want to and no one has the right to force you to touch them. Parents also need to explain to their children the importance of listening to inner voice and believing in hunches. If you feel insecure, then prove that the person opposite you is not necessarily a good person. You need to be given the right to stand up, refuse, find a way to leave and tell everything to an adult you feel confident about.

6. How do you understand the meaning of saying "no" and respect the limits?

One of the "stones that laid the foundation" for a successful parenting journey is teaching children respect and kindness. This is also the basis for applying sex education to children. You need to constantly explain to "the future boys" that a true relationship requires a departure from the will of the two and the approval of the opponent is extremely important. Never treat sex as the cost of an unsatisfactory love or something that a child with love must pay for it.

Unfortunately, children are now "threatened" by countless sexually scary and toxic images before they start having their first feelings with a opposite sex. This leads to our children soon forming wrong thoughts, thoughts and being easily affected by a stream of other ideas supporting their fears. Talk to your child with the love, respect and experiences you have accumulated.

The more knowledge you give your child, the more likely they are to make the right choices. Similarly, talking openly, frankly with children about gender also acts as an "invitation", which raises more in-depth questions for you about issues that you do not understand. The most important thing here is that you must be a safe, reliable source of information and must be the first person you want to consult whenever they ask something.

Finally, don't be shy, embarrassed or intentionally hide gender issues with your children. Our mission - fatherhood and motherhood is to guide me to build the foundation to achieve the happy and healthy life I want.