How to deal when your child lies

Why do children lie?

Children can learn to lie from an early age

Children can lie to

1. Cover something so they don't get in trouble
2. See how you answer
3. Make a story more interesting
4. Experiment - for example, by pretending that something that happens in a story is real
5. Get attention or make yourself sound better
6. Get something they want
7. Avoid hurting someone's feelings

When do children start lying?

1. Children can learn to lie from an early age, usually around the age of three. This is when your child begins to realize that you are a mind reader, so they may say things that are not true without your knowledge.
2. Children lie more between the ages of 4 and 6. Your child can become better at lying by matching facial expressions and tone of voice to what they say. If you ask them to explain what they say, they will confess.
3. As children get older, they can lie more successfully without being caught. Lies also become more complex, because children will have more words and a better understanding of how other people think.
4. By adolescence, children often tell blatant lies to avoid hurting others.

How to deal with children lying

Knowing why children lie will help you understand them better and encourage them to be more honest

Knowing why children lie at each age will help you understand them better and encourage them to be more honest. The best way is to create a loving environment where children know they can talk to you about anything at any time.

Children from 3 to 5 years old lie

1. Preschool children do not yet understand the difference between lying and telling the truth. So if you react with anger and blame them, it won't help.
2. Instead of by asking Do you pour the milk here?  then focus on what happened Hmm, spilled milk  and suggestions on how to fix it. Go get a paper and wipe it off .
3. Exaggerated statements like I can eat 100 donuts  are also evidence of a rich imagination, not a child's deception. That's what you wish, isn't it , to be aware of your dreams and gently clarify the difference between reality and illusion.

Children from 6 to 10 years old lie

1. As teachers of denial, children this age lie because they want to please friends, deny responsibility, and avoid punishment. They may lie to get what they want, such as watching TV or to win over their friends.
2. Never call your child a liar, but make it clear to them that you don't accept dishonesty. Tell me you need to tell me the truth, I won't get angry or yell at you - I'd be proud if you didn't lie .
3. Let your child know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even if they break your mother's vase. If your child often lies about things that happen every day, like not doing homework, things that don't harm anyone or cause danger, show a displeased look and be firm . I will check your homework. Let's take a look at this exercise together .

Children between 11 and 14 years old lie

1. Children want privacy at this time, they may forget  to tell you about something or leave out certain details. They may say that there is no homework tomorrow, but in reality they have a lot of them the following days and exams.
2. At this time, friends and status in the class are very important, so they are easy to weave stories to impress their friends, such as my father just bought me a big car . Instead of lashing out at your child, let her know that you know she's not being honest and that you're very upset about it. I know you're not telling the truth. Do you want to say it again?
3. A calm, temperate voice, less reproach or disparagement, will win cooperation. When your child admits the truth, admit it and let it go. Never embarrass your child in front of friends. Discipline works only when it makes your child feel respected and accepted, not reprimanded and scolded. Regularly complimenting your child when he or she does something right will also help foster honesty.

David Pac

Update 08 May 2023