How to Have Presence

Channeling Your Presence

1. Be confident. It is virtually impossible to have presence and have that "it" factor when you're riddled with insecurity. Instead of engaging in the moment and grabbing it by its horns, you'll be busy huddling in the corner waiting for the jury to get their harsh judgment over with. No article can give you a mathematical formula for confidence, but it can tell you how awesome you are and that you definitely have things to be confident about.

   1. It's important -- at least in the topic of having presence -- to think of confidence as quiet. No hard-hitting bravado or hubris is appropriate here. There's no room for displays of power or boastfulness. Presence is natural and just is. Your confidence needn't be a show; it should just be something that's a part of you. Think of confidence as in the same category as your height or hair color. People notice. You don't say anything about it, but people notice. That's how it should be.

2. Get comfortable. Let's say Beyoncé joins you in line for the women's restroom (or Jay-Z if you're a male, but then there's probably not a line). You would love to have a conversation with her and to snap a quick photo, but you really have to pee. How present and engaged will you be with her? Not very. So whatever situation you're in (Beyoncé or not), get comfortable. It'll be the only way you can give it your all.

   1. That means adjust the temperature, go to the bathroom, and, for your sake, wear comfortable pants. If you feel something in your teeth or are constantly fighting an uphill battle against a wedgie, you won't be exuding presence. Do whatever you can to un-preoccupy your mind.

3. Be yourself. There is a certain genuineness about presence. After all, if you're fake, it's not you who's in the room. It's some image you're trying to show the world. Most people can detect this, whether they're aware of it or not. So act natural. Be yourself. What good is it doing you pretending to be something else?

   1. People who aren't comfortable with themselves are always caught up in some image-maintaining. They feel like they have to be seen wearing the right things, saying the right things, doing the right things, and all in the right places with the right people. They have no view of themselves because the only thing that matters to them is the opinions of others. These people don't have presence -- presence isn't something anyone else can give you!

4. Don't worry about how you come off. Really, we've spent the past four paragraphs saying just this. If the people you're with don't like you, how long are you really gonna be around them anyway? You're not. So if you are just you (which is the only person you'll be around for the rest of, oh, you know, forever), and you're not caught up worrying about your image, the better parts of you can shine.

   1. Think of this impression management as a layer of dust over whatever it is that makes up you. Instead of seeing who you are, people see this dust. The dust isn't bad, the dust isn't good, it's just dust. It's easily wiped away. And while it doesn't turn other people off, it hides what makes you memorable. It hides what makes you awesome.

5. Check your temper. If presence were easily define-able, part of the definition would be an innate sense of calmness. Someone with presence, charisma, and that ineffable "it" factor is never seen storming about, making waves, or punishing others arbitrarily. Generally anger is a resort and someone with presence just doesn't need to waste time on it. They're too calm and collected to need to put up a fuss.

6. Put your phone away. Seriously. Have you ever gone out to a restaurant and noticed that one couple that's sitting by the window, where the guy is on his phone playing Candy Crush and the girl is taking selfies or pictures of the food that was once on her half-eaten plate? If you want people to notice you, hiding behind a light-up screen isn't the way to go about doing it. So get in the moment. Put your phone away (not just down) and give the people around you your undivided attention.

   1. So here's a little science being dropped: so much of how people think and feel about you is really how you make them feel about themselves. If you pay attention to them, they're going to feel important, and they're going to like you and think you're a great listener. Flirt with someone and they like you because you make them feel attractive. So when you put your phone down, you're showing them you're there. With them and only them. That you care and that they matter. Boom. You're present. And what's a word that sounds ridiculously like present? Hmm.

7. Take a deep breath. Okay, let's say you're walking into a big, important meeting. You want to be the one who people can look to, the natural leader for the next assigned project, the one people come to with questions -- and not the other way around. But you're a little nervous and you know you're a little nervous. Instead of walking in and throwing up the white flag, take a deep breath. Maybe smooth your hair a bit, adjust your seams, slow your movements, and then walk in. You got this. Why would anyone think otherwise?

   1. No, you're right, presence is not a show. It's not something you lose when you're harried and rushed. But if you're nervous, if you're running around like a chicken with your head cut off, people can see that. You might still be super confident and have your act together, but you'll appear too frazzled for that intangible aura of leadership to come through.