What makes us feel lonely?

1. 8 reasons to make you smarter and stronger when you're alone
2. 8 things only people "like to be alone" understand
3. Scientifically proven: Bathe for as long and as much as you are feeling lonely

When you find yourself feeling lonely, it can really damage your health. Research shows that actual social isolation or awareness alone increases the risk of death earlier . Some studies have found an association between loneliness in cognition and heart disease, while other studies show that loneliness and social isolation can be a major threat to human health. compared with obesity in the US.

In contrast, when feeling that you are a part of society, both mental and physical health are significantly improved. Loneliness can be temporary when we live away from home or travel. It is essential when you get out of an unhealthy relationship or take the time to learn yourself. However, loneliness is not something we should take lightly. A survey of loneliness conducted by AARP shows that more than 42 million people over 45 in the United States have experienced chronic loneliness.

According to the Encyclopedia of Human Relations , ' the most widely accepted definition of loneliness is grief; because of the inconsistency between ideal and practical social relations '. The key word here is ' reality '.

Loneliness is not the same as being alone . People can feel isolated or abandoned even in seemingly closest situations. It is worrisome that a UK study surveyed millions of people and found that one in 10 people will feel they do not have a close friend.

The two researchers of loneliness Louise Hawkley and John Cacioppo wrote: ' Being a herd, people exist and develop based on a safe and secure environment of relationships '.

So what makes us feel isolated? Science can give a lot of answers to this question. Studies show that lonely people have a lot of fear before judging more negatively and often have careful social behaviors to maintain their social isolation.Ironically, even social networks are related to the increasing social isolation of young people.

While there are many social factors that can make us feel abandoned or separated, the popularity of loneliness in the community of all ages, from all social contexts makes us look more closely at Individual psychological factors exist.

In the book ' Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion ', Robert Firestone wrote: ' The isolation and prosperity of contemporary society also carries within me. the risk of strengthening psychological defenses contributes to an inner, self-defense and emotional paralysis '.

People often create psychological barriers to adapt to the original environment, which hurts or hinders them in their present life. These barriers can lead to feelings of abandonment, isolation and depression. To truly face and fight with your loneliness, you must see through these barriers, as well as the awareness of yourself that we build.

Psychological barriers come from early negative experiences that require us to adapt and develop certain behaviors so we can feel safe and secure in our current living environment. A hot, erratic parent can lead to children being quiet and introverted to avoid attracting attention.

Similarly, a cold or spurned parent can make them shrink and try to take care of their own needs. As we grow up, we maintain this adaptation even when it is no longer useful for our current life and our relationships.

Maybe we will not be willing to trust again. We nourish the fear of rejection , negative precautions and skeptical views . We exhibit negative personalities before others and keep a cautious attitude when interacting with them.

In addition to being skeptical of others and defending ourselves, we also tend to criticize ourselves , look at it in the same negative way that we see or treat in the early years. For example, if you feel yourself invisible, be a burden, be hated or unimportant in the family, you can carry a sense of shame and listen to thoughts that criticize yourself or your voice. " criticism in the head 'makes us sad to have new relationships.

This ' voice ' is not only isolated by criticizing yourself and reducing self-confidence but it also makes us self-defense like: ' Don't believe her, maybe she's using you '; ' Stay home tonight. You don't need to feel stressed when you go out and talk to people. Everything is so exciting. You need your own space . ' These voices seem to appease themselves when tempting us not to seize the opportunity, but they will ruin as soon as we listen to them. Even when you're with familiar people, the critical voice in your head can make you feel alone, like: ' Nobody here really understands you. Can you deceive everyone? .

This negative attitude and expectation can make us avoid acts and tend to create independent cover, pushing others away. Self-defense can become tough and behave as if we don't need anything from anyone. Or become shy and try to hide behind. Or alienate people and assume that we are a burden. And finally, we become introverted.

In the " Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion " book, it is introspection like ' resignation '. When living in the inner stage, people will have ' typical lifestyles such as emotional decline for themselves and others, their dependence on habit patterns and analgesic chemicals, room attitudes. defense and independence before life '.

We seek satisfaction from within and spend time with criticisms in our heads. As Robert Firestone once wrote: ' We sympathize with those negative voices instead of real things (or people). From this individual vantage point, we observe ourselves instead of experiencing life. Vision only focuses on inner self instead of toward others. Things in the personal environment that are viewed through the lens are distorted by attention to themselves, changed (a negative thing) by the process of voice processing and improperly responded by behavior that destroys oneself '.

Writer Eugene O'Neil once wrote: ' A person's loneliness is just a person's fear of life .' The tendency to seek loneliness and avoid contact with others is how we punish ourselves and avoid life. Most of us walk in and step out of the defensive state, listen to our inner voice, enlightenment, vulnerability and openness to everyone. Therefore, the fight against loneliness is like an inner battle . The fight is mainly about being friends with yourself, fighting against the critical voice in your head and challenging your core defense mechanism.

We must nurture compassion when we step out of the safe zone , accept the risk of error and injury. When we discover and make friends with ourselves, we understand who we really are after escaping the defense. And when we know ourselves, we are ready to establish deep friendships with others. We will become better at establishing long-term attachment, they are not the same as things in the past, things that reinforce the old, negative people.

When doing these things, we may find it difficult. Intimacy makes us feel miserable, but it also makes us feel safe in our cover. So is defense, they keep us in an old, familiar state. We can find those you are kind to help us overcome our own inner selves, but the real work begins from ourselves, steadfastly seeking strength to eliminate the enemy within, believing that the text dearly worthy of love and open arms to welcome people into their lives.

See also: Don't lower your self-worth by comparing yourself to others!

Having fun!