15 facts that anyone needs to know before calculating marriage

We can love a person passionately but when it comes to marriage, many people feel extremely worried, anxious and even very stressful. Why is that?

Recently, on Business Insider, reporter and strategist Shana Lebowitz shared a very interesting article about facts related to marriage that not everyone knows. She said that a question that everyone needs to question themselves before calculating this "great deal" is "whether the two of you really can live together for a lifetime?"

Lebowitz also emphasized what he meant by the fact that both of you were really infatuated - even if the partner kept throwing indiscriminate clothes in the bathroom or even without a sense of humor, they were always there you, make you happy after a hard working day.

Perhaps, marriage also needs the help of scientific studies to explain human psychological and behavioral phenomena, and to find specific factors that can make or break a relationship. sustainable relationship.

While waiting for the official announcement, please refer to the 15 facts about marriage that Lebowitz has listed below to make a more realistic look.

1. If you get married before age 23, you are more likely to get divorced soon

A study conducted in 2014 at Greensboro of the University of North Carolina showed that American girls who tried cohabiting or married at age 18 had a divorce rate of about 60% after that time. However, the girls wait until the age of 23 to get married or try to live, this rate halved (30%).

"The more couples wait for the right time to establish a serious commitment to each other (cohabiting or getting married), the greater their chances of having a successful marriage" - according to a report. The Atlantic.

2. The stage "immersed in love" does not last forever

The "honeymoon" period is not as long as many people think.

According to a study conducted in 2005 at the University of Pavia (Italy), the period of time when the two people were really "immersed in love" only lasted about 1 year . After this stage, the level of a chemical called " Nerve growth factor" involved in creating intense romantic emotions will begin to decline.

Share with Business Insider, an expert on relationships and a psychologist Helen Fisher, saying "it is unclear when this exact moment of" immersed in love "will begin to fade but behind It has all the reasons for a reasonable development " . According to her, because "in terms of metabolism in the body, spending too much time pointing to one person in a state of high-level desire is very" expensive ".

3. The two people can either match - or not match - in many ways

Back in the 1950s and 1960s, Canadian psychologist Eric Berne introduced a 3-tier model to better understand a person's identity. He found that each of us has three "ego" states that operate at the same time:

1. Parents (The Parent): What you are taught.
2. The Child: What you feel.
3. Adult (The Adult): What you learn.

If you are in a relationship with someone, you will be related to one of these 3 levels:

1. Parents: Your values ​​and beliefs about your world are the same?
2. Child: Do you find it interesting to be with that person? Do you feel comfortable? Do you think about the attraction of the enemy? Do you like traveling with them?
3. Adults: Do you think good things about each other? Two people eat ideas when solving a certain problem?

While the balance between all three classes is thought to be ideal, people often agree together "to create a balance between them". For example, a person will play a role in taking care of love and the other will make love interesting.

The level of each "ego" will develop differently in each case and in every person. This will affect the process of forming each person's personality and marriage happiness if the couples know how to get along.

4. Marriage is happiest when two people are close friends

A study conducted at the National Bureau of Economic Research (USA) in 2014 concluded that friendship between husband and wife will contribute to making marriage happier.

The study also confirmed that happiness will be overwhelming for couples who build a close friendship. Friendship, as in the report, is the core mechanism that helps explain the causal relationship between marriage and feeling of satisfaction in life.

5. The more closely couples are about age, the less likely they are to divorce

Research with the participation of 3,000 married Americans shows that the difference in age is related to conflicts in married life.

Author Megan Garber in an article in Atlantic wrote:

"The 1-year difference between a couple also increases the risk of divorce by 3% (when compared to couples of the same age); the difference of 5 years, the risk of divorce increases by 18% and if different. By the age of 10, the risk of breaking up in a couple relationship is 39%. "

6. If you are excited about your good news, you will have a happy marriage

According to many studies, couples express their joy in the good news of their partners actively (rather than actively or passively ignoring it), the higher the rate of having a successful relationship.

7. Couples who do not share chores with each other are more and more resentful between them

In a poll, more than 60% of Americans say that housework plays a core role in creating a happy marriage.

In the book "It's Not You, It's the Dishes" , co-author Paula Szuchman proposed a system that each can "specialize" in. the housework they do best. For example, if you wash dishes clean, faster, then choose that job.

8. Modern marriage has higher standards than before

Psychologist Eli Finkel has found that American marriage has gone through three stages:

1. Institutional marriage - calculated from the founding period until about 1850. Most American families at this time were farmers, so the demands of marriage often revolved around commodity issues. Day, the standard is to have a stable and relatively safe life. The good relationship is not due to love but because of the harmony in the married life.
2. Marriage has a marriage agreement (Companionate) - from 1851 to 1965. Marriage in the United States in this period is increasingly focused on things that need to be in love, such as love, love and tests to satisfy. sex life.
3. Self-expressive marriage (Self-expressive marriage) - from 1965 until now. Today, people view marriage as a way to discover themselves, a place to celebrate self-esteem and show personal advancement. However, later, this concept has been adjusted to fit the development of society.

For other countries, in general, marriage has experienced these three stages of development in some respects.

9. You can never fully understand your partner

After dating someone for about a year, you might think that you almost understand everything about them, including what kind of toothpaste they use, often see what programs and what food they love. Best.

However, you probably can't know them as well as you think.

According to a study done in 1997, couples who live together for a long time often show confidence that they know each other well. However, this also indicates that the length (time) of a relationship does not reflect the accuracy in that assertion.

Even if the participants are asked to predict how their partners will judge them about their intelligence, physicality and attractiveness, they are only about 30% correct.

10. If you have to do a "check" on your current relationship, chances are, you're not confident

A 2009 study conducted by researchers from the University of Denver showed that most couples, for some reason, often avoid making reviews before becoming husband and wife. .

Particularly couples who participated in the test are more likely to experience a series of negative emotions. For example, among test participants, men are more often frustrated and worried, while women are haunted by the fear of abandonment. Both groups are not confident in their relationship.

In a recent study on Psychology Today, one of the study authors explained the meaning of these conclusions as follows:

"It seems, many people think about evaluating relationships only by cohabitation, at some level, by the point of the test, they hope that this result will improve over time. ".

11. If a partner is economically dependent, then the chances are that he or she will cheat

Contrary to popular belief that scams, basically, are less likely to appear in high-income couples. In fact, the link between income and infidelity is much more nuanced.

Recent research from the University of Connecticut suggests that an economically dependent partner will likely no longer retain faithfulness and this is especially true for men who depend on their income. female.

12. We think everyone is a fraud, except for a mate

You can't believe anyone - except your partner, is that true?

In 2015, the University of Calgary conducted a study and the results were that students who were attracted to heterosexuals thought that average partners had about 40% chance to cheat them and have about 9% of participants said they had cheated someone.

13. Couples who respect each other are more likely to have a sustainable marriage

On Business Insider, Erin Brodwin said that attitude is the key to extending relationships.

In a study at Chapel Hill at the University of North Carolina, researchers asked participants to keep daily diaries recording what their spouses did for them and how they felt receive them. As a result, couples show gratitude to their partners that their relationship is very solid.

Meanwhile, a series of other studies led by Berkeley, a researcher currently working at the University of California, pointed out that many couples respect each other most likely to retain love. in about 9 months later.

14. Finally you will realize that you have other personalities

Once you start living together, perhaps, you will realize that you have other priorities and limitations in tolerance, such as what level of clutter will be acceptable and how much no.

Ellyn Bader - therapist for anti-sharing couples: "People tend to start accepting the fact that they are really different people. You are different from what you think about who you are. or the person you want to be. We have the same ideas, emotions and concerns. "

15. Sex - the essential factor to create happiness in marriage

When referring to sex, quality is more important than quantity.

Jessica Orwig in an impressive study called Carnegie Mellon shared in Business Insider that there is a link between how often you do it with your partner and the happiness you feel.

The researchers divided the couples into two groups: in about 90 days, half will conduct "that" according to their normal plan (group 1) and the other half will increase the number of folds. double compared to the other half (group 2). Then, they assessed each group's feelings after this test and as a result, the second group was less happy than group 1.