4 stages of life, at what stage are you 'suffering'?

Life is really miserable. You endure suffering then you will die. According to Mark Manson , that "suffering" is divided into four stages and after reading this article, people should rely on analysis to see what stage they are "suffering" at, at the same time, ponder and choose the right way to live. Life is "miserable" but you have the right to "miserable" your way.

Stage One: Mimicking others (Mimicry)

When we are born, we cannot take care of ourselves and depend entirely on others. We can't go, can't speak, can't feed ourselves and definitely can't pay taxes on our own.

As a child, our natural way of learning is to observe and imitate others. First, we learn physical skills (physical skills) such as walking and talking. After that, we develop social skills (social skills) by looking and following people around us. And, in the final years of childhood, we learn to adapt to social culture by observing rules and customs around our environment and trying to behave in a way that is Popular social acceptance.

The goal of Stage One is to teach us how to exist in this society so that we can become autonomous and independent adults. Other adults in the community will help us reach that milestone through support so we can make decisions and take action.

However, there will always be some adults and community members who do not accept this. They punish us for being independent. They do not support our decisions. Therefore, we do not develop autonomy. We are stuck in Stage One, forever imitating those around us, forever trying to please all others so that we will not be judged.

In every "normal" healthy individual, Stage One will last until the end of adolescence and the early stages of adulthood. For some people, it can extend into the whole period of becoming an adult. Some people who once woke up at 45 years old suddenly realized that they had never really lived for themselves and blamed themselves for what they had done with the years that had passed before.

This is Stage One. Stage of imitation. We are always seeking approval and approval, while lacking in our own independent thinking and values.

We must always be aware of the standards and expectations of those around us, but we must be strong enough to act in spite of other standards and expectations when we feel that it is necessary. We need to develop the ability to act by ourselves and for ourselves.

Stage Two: Self-discovery (Self-difcovery)

In Stage One, we learn to integrate with people and cultures around us. Stage Two will be the time to learn what makes us different from all those things. This requires us to start making our own decisions, challenging ourselves, understanding ourselves and discovering what makes us unique.

The second phase will include many wrong tests and we will have to experiment: live in new places, interact with new people, drink new things and try "having sex" with strangers.

During my Second Stage, I left my hometown and visited about 50 countries. My brother's Second Stage was engaged in the political system in Washington. Each stage of each person will be slightly different because each of us is a little different.

Stage Two is the process of self-discovery. We try many things. Some may succeed, some may fail. The goal here is for you to choose which one is right and continue to act.

Stage Two lasts until we start to face our limits. This can make many people uncomfortable. And although you probably know Oprah Winfrey (philanthropist, very famous Talk show host, magazine publisher .) and Deepak Chopra (author of many famous books like No Age Working, Spacetime, Life - Death, Seven Spiritual Rules of Success .) but I still want to emphasize that discovering my limitations is a perfectly good and healthy thing .

You will probably be bad at certain amounts, no matter how hard you try. And you need to know what they are. I am not blessed with excellent talent in any sport. It's sad to know it but the important thing is that I understand the fact that it is. I'm just as good at cooking for myself as the baby does, splashing apple sauce all over the floor. We all need to learn that we are ignorant of something. And know this as early as possible in life.

So, we're not good at something. And finally, you will learn that there are great things in the short term, but they will get bored after a few years. World tourism is an example. Flirting with others is a second example. Drinking on Tuesday night is the third example. A lot more. Trust me.

Knowing your limits is important because in the end you have to realize the truth that your time on Earth is limited and so you should invest it in the most meaningful things. This means that just because you can do it doesn't mean you should do it, because you like this type of person doesn't mean you should stay with them. Everything has an opportunity cost and you can't have it all.

I know some people never allow themselves to feel limited - either because they refuse to admit mistakes or because they are self-deprecating that they have no limits. These people will be stuck in Stage Two.

There are people who "keep on going" when they are 38 years old, still living with their mothers and still can't find any money after 15 years of trying. There are "ambitious actors" who are still serving as waiters and have not tried any roles for 2 years. There are people who cannot have a long-term relationship because they always have the feeling that there will always be someone better appear. They are the people who try to chase mistakes by "freeing" the negative into the universe or "eliminating" them all from their lives.

At some point, we all have to acknowledge the truth: this life is very short, all our dreams cannot be realized; therefore, we should carefully choose and choose what we do best and wholeheartedly focus on it.

However, those who are stuck in Stage Two spend most of their time convincing themselves the opposite. That they never have a limit. That they can overcome it all. That their life is growth and never stops, while everyone can clearly see that they are just stepping on the spot.

For healthy individuals, Stage Two begins in the middle - late adolescence and lasts until between the ages of 20 - 30 or between 30 - 40 years old. Those who are still stuck in Stage Two are often called "Peter Pan Syndrome" - lifelong villains, always looking for themselves, but finding nothing.

Stage Three: Full-minded (Commitment)

Once you have pushed yourself to the limits and / or know what you are poor (for example, sports, cooking art) or understand that fun events will come to an end (eg, summer festival, play games, masturbate .) then you will have things a) really important to you, and b) you are not so bad. Now is the time to mark this world.

The third stage is a period of solid foundation for everyone's life. You broke up with those who hold you back. You said goodbye to useless games, wasting time. You have retired from the old dreams that certainly cannot come true soon.

So you need to focus your best on the best and the best for you. You need to focus on the most important relationships in life. You need to focus on the only mission in your life, whether to solve the energy crisis in the world or become a digital artist or become a brain expert, or have children lovely flow of nose water. Whatever it is, Stage Three is when you accomplish everything you desire.

Stage Three is when you maximize your ability in this life. All is just building your fortune. What will you leave for life when you leave? How will people remember you? Whether it's a groundbreaking study, a great new innovation or a lovely family, Stage Three is a bit different when you change this world than when you understood it.

Stage Three will end when there is a merger of two things: 1) You feel like you have nothing you can strive for, 2) you are old and tired and find that you should drink martini and play games solve the word for the rest of your life.

For those "normal, Stage Three usually lasts from about 30 years old to retirement age.

People who are trapped in the Third Stage often do not know how to let go of their passions and always desire more. Therefore they will always aspire to strive until 70 or 80 years old.

Stage Four: Legacy (Legacy)

At this stage, people have spent about 50 years investing in what they believe to be meaningful and important. They have done great things, worked hard, achieved everything they have, maybe have a family or a charity or create a great change in politics or culture and now they were satisfied. They have reached the age when their energy and circumstances do not allow them to pursue their passions further.

The goal of this phase becomes not only to create a legacy but how to ensure it remains even when you are gone.

This is as simple as assisting and teaching your children and grandchildren and watching them enjoy life. You can also entrust your projects or work to students or trainees. You may also be involved in more political activities to assert your values ​​in a society that has gone through so much turmoil.

Stage Four is psychologically important because it makes it easy to accept the fact that we will have to die. Because being human, we have a deep need to feel that our life has a meaning. What we are always looking for is essentially a defensive psychological mechanism against the puzzlement of this life and the inevitability of death. Losing that meaning or watching it slip out of hand, or slowly feel as if the world has left you behind, is like facing face-to-face forgetting and letting it swallow you.

What is the lesson to draw?

Going through each stage of life helps us better control our happiness and prosperity.

1. In Stage One, a person will completely depend on the actions of others and need approval to be happy.This is a terrible living strategy because people are hard to guess and uncertain.
2. In Stage Two, we become more self-reliant, but still rely on our superficial success to be able to be happy - money, praise, victory, victory . They can be easier to control than you people, but in the long run they are still very difficult to predict.
3. Stage Three will depend on a handful of relationships and passions that prove themselves worth pursuing from Stage Two.These things are more certain through trial.
4. Stage Four requires that we only hold onto what we have accomplished as long as possible.

In each stage, happiness becomes more dependent on internal values, which can be controlled and reduced based on the constantly changing external factors of the world.

Conflicts between stages

The following periods do not replace the previous stages. They rise above it. In Stage Two people still care about being accepted by others. They only care more about something else. In Stage Three, people are still interested in promoting their own limits. It's just that they care more about the commitments they have made.

Each stage represents the disturbance of priorities in one's life. It is for this reason that, when moving from one stage to another, people often experience the loss of relationships. If you are at Stage Two and all your friends are still there, then suddenly you make up your mind, plunge into Stage Three to build your career, but your friends are still searching In itself, there will be a fundamental disconnect between your values ​​and theirs.

It is hard to overcome this.

In general, people will project their stage to everyone around them. People at Stage One will judge others through their ability to be accepted by society. People at Stage Two will judge others by their ability to overcome their limits and try new things. People at Stage Three will judge others based on their life commitments and the achievements they can achieve. People at Stage Four will judge others based on the values ​​they protect and the things they have chosen to live for.

Value of psychological trauma (Trauma)

Self-development is often described as a splendid progress, going from a foolish person to an enlightened person - there is a lot of pleasure, walking proudly on a flower bed and smashing with 2000 people At a seminar you have to pay a lot of money to attend.

But the truth is that transfers in stages of life are often triggered by aftershocks or extremely negative events. Once almost died. A divorce. A broken friendship or the departure of a loved one.

The wound makes us step back and reevaluate the deepest motivations and decisions we have made. It allows us to reflect on whether our strategies for pursuing happiness are truly successful.

What makes us stuck

There is one thing that makes us stuck at each stage: feeling is never enough.

1. People are stuck in Stage One because they always feel like they are a bug version and different from others, so they will put all their efforts into doing things that make others happy. .But no matter how hard they try, they will never feel enough.
2. People are stuck in Stage Two because they feel they should do more, better, newer, more efficient.But no matter how hard they try, they will never feel enough.
3. People are stuck at Stage Three because they feel like they have not created enough meaningful influence on this world, that they should be able to make more positive changes in their fields. link.But no matter how hard they try, they will never feel enough.
4. People in Stage Four still feel stuck because they worry that their legacy will be unsustainable or not make any big changes for the next generation.They cling and cling to it and push it to the last breath.But they still don't see enough.

The solution for each of these phases is to look back.

1. To overcome Stage One, you must accept that you will never be able to please people, and so you must make decisions for your own life.
2. To overcome Stage Two, you must accept that you will never be able to achieve everything you dream or aspire to and therefore have to focus on the most important and wholeheartedly focused on it.
3. To overcome Stage Three, you must recognize that time and energy are limited and so you must redefine your goal now to help others manage meaningful projects that you have begun. .
4. To overcome Stage Four, you must realize that change is indispensable and the influence of a person, no matter how talented, powerful, useful they are, will eventually disappear.

And life will continue.