How to Start an Online Chat

Start a conversation

Stop thinking too much. If you're trying to get to know someone (and perhaps flirt with them), the goal of initial online conversations is to help them understand who you are. You want to be yourself, and following a script will only take you further away from your goals.

Starting an online conversation is difficult for most people. You are not the first and you will not be the last.

In the worst case, this will become an experience. In the best case scenario, you will have a deep relationship with someone. None of this will happen until you test it.

Choose the appropriate time. Message the person while they're online. It's easier to start a conversation right then and there instead of waiting for them to respond later.

Choose a time when you don't have to travel. You don't want to be stressed, and you want the conversation to go smoothly so it has a chance to progress.

Start small. Send the person a quick text and ask how they are doing. For example, "Hi, how are you?" . You'll talk more freely once you start the conversation--there's no going back!

They will usually answer the question 'how are you doing', then ask after you. Please prepare your answer.

Avoid curt answers like "I'm fine ". Anyone can say "fine". Tell the person who you are, "I'm having so much fun! Today, my friends and I explored an abandoned house in the hills. It was great but very scary " or "My dance group returned. to become the national team. I'm really excited! "

Mention things that interest you, but avoid bragging.

Ask about common interests. This is a classic and sincere conversation starter. If you're in the same class, ask what the homework is. If you're in the same club, ask about upcoming events. That helps you start a conversation naturally, removing the initial barrier to a more detailed conversation.

Try saying: "Oh, I forgot to do my English homework today. Have you done it yet? "

Or: "Hey, do you know when the next competition is? I wasn't paying attention when the coach made the announcement during practice today. "

Compliment them. If someone does something worthy of praise, of course you should praise them. This is another great way to start a conversation and make your partner feel appreciated. Don't overdo it--moderate your compliments, or they'll feel like you're flattering.

If you're in the same class: "You did a great job with your presentation today! I never thought I'd learn so much about Ulysses S. Grant! "

If you're in the same group: "You did great in the 91km sprint today. You really supported the group well ."

Ask a question. If you've ever met someone on the dating website OKCupid or the dating app Tinder, you probably don't have any real-life connections to hook up with. Ask the person an open-ended question about themselves. Their profiles will inspire you.

For example: "I see you like hip hop. Have there been any good shows lately? "

Or: "I like your beard so much. How long have you been growing it? "

Be careful with flirting. Flirting words can have the opposite effect: they work for some people, but cause others to run away. Flirting statements come across as cheesy or manipulative, especially if they differ from what you think of yourself. Impress with sincerity, and if that includes flirting--be yourself!

Continue the conversation

Be willing to engage in conversation. Read messages and respond carefully. Having a conversation means watching for cues and understanding what people say. While you're talking to the person, pay attention to the content and flow of the conversation.

In this respect, chatting online will be even easier than talking in person. You'll be able to review the conversation if you need to remember a specific detail.

Make a question. Be truly interested in that person. Science has proven that people like to talk about themselves. If you ask someone, they will have a lot to say.

Ask questions that lead to other questions. If you ask, "What kind of music do you like? " and they answer, "I like a lot of music–rock, pop, punk. I watch a lot of local music shows "--ask them, "What have you been doing lately?" Any good music shows? "

Avoid asking yes-or-no questions. A simple "yes" or "no" answer can end the conversation. If you need to ask a question with a basic answer or two possibilities, prepare a follow-up question.

Don't be too curious. Be careful with sensitive topics. You'll have to use your intuition, but consider this a general rule: Don't ask anyone a question you don't want to answer yourself.

Turn your answers into questions. The conversation needs to be back and forth, and you need to continue after you've finished speaking if you want the conversation to continue. When you send a text message, end with a question for the other person to answer.

Think of conversation like a game of catch. If you catch the ball, great--but the game can't continue until you throw the ball back to someone else.

Don't just say, "I had a great day. I think I did well on my math test! " Say, "I had a great day. I think I did well on my math test! How about you?" ? "

Don't be afraid to talk about yourself. There's a delicate balance here: if you dominate the conversation and only talk about yourself, the other person will perceive you as selfish or complacent; But if you don't reveal any personal information, you'll just be a mystery.

Be sincere. If you lie--inventing information about yourself as someone else--it will backfire. The needle in the bag will one day come out.

If the other person asks about you, answer - but try to turn your answer into a question. For example, if asked about your dog, say: "His name is Duke. He is a Border Collie. We rescued him from a cave three years ago, and now he is like a member of the family." family. Do you have pets? "

Use emojis and picture characters, but don't overuse them. Emojis like ":)" and ":3" can add emotion and spice to your words to complement the impersonal online environment. They can make others like you and help you become friendlier. However, emojis can reveal a lot about your feelings: if someone uses a lot of smiley faces, they probably like you.

There's nothing wrong with expressing your feelings, but depending on the situation you may want to joke around or until you get to know someone better. Be careful with emojis and their meanings.

If you want to subtly let the person know that you like them, use ":)". As a rule of thumb: use that emoji in conversation when you're actually smiling in real life :)

Don't force it. If the person only answers your question with one word, despite your best efforts, they probably don't want to talk to you right now. If the conversation seems forced, end it and try again next time.

It's not necessarily your fault! It's hard to know how someone is feeling, especially online. Perhaps, the person doesn't want to talk because they feel bored, they have a lot of work to do, or they just had an argument with their parents.

If you try to talk to someone multiple times and they don't seem interested in talking--stop it. Try to spend more one-on-one time with them if possible, but only if you have a good reason to do so.

Give them their own space. No one likes feeling pressured. It's better to let someone go than make them feel uncomfortable.

End the conversation and make plans

Chat until there's nothing left to say. Maybe you've really run out of things to talk about, or need to go somewhere. Either way, you'll need to say goodbye to your partner.

Say, "Ah, I have to go to school. It was nice talking to you. Have a great day."

Consider saying you have to go, even if you don't actually have to go. This is an easy way to end a conversation without feeling rude.

Don't feel you need to have a formal plan. Online chat follows a slightly different protocol than in-person chat. It's not too formal. Unless your date has limited internet access, you don't need to arrange a "second date." You could say, "Let's talk again sometime!"

If the conversation goes well, simply text the person again in a day or two while you're both online. This time, you should get to know each other better. Let's chat further based on the information and jokes the two of you shared initially.

If your partner can only access the internet at certain times or places (say, about three hours each afternoon, or only at the library), make a formal plan. Like, "I really enjoyed talking to you. I know you're not online all the time - can I talk to you again on Tuesday? "

Be careful. If you plan to meet in person, use your best judgment about the situation. A conversation can tell you a lot, and people aren't always who they say they are online.

Consider talking to the person more online before you move on to meeting in person.

If you're using an online dating site like OKCupid or Tinder, you may decide to meet someone soon--or right away. Use your best judgment. If you meet a stranger, tell a friend where you're going and who you'll meet. Bring your phone, and if possible, meet in a public place (like a coffee shop) during the day.

Kareem Winters

Update 30 November 2023