Synthesis of hegemonic jokes about IT people

My grandparents often have the phrase 'A smile with ten tonic scales' so after working hours and stressful study, we should also find something to entertain a little for fun, to help the work achieve results higher.

Here, the Network Administrator will send you read extremely interesting jokes about IT people. If you are an IT person, don't miss it.

1. Bill Gates jealous:

Bill Gates' home appliances all operate in a pre-programmed setting and are remotely controlled by a central computer. One day, Bill came home late, having opened the bedroom door and found his wife screaming at the mistress. Bill calmly closed the door and went to the computer, selected the path to the bedroom address and then started the file named: 'Kill_vius_room_directory.exe'.

2. Analysis of computers

One day Bill complained to his friend, 'My elbow is hurt, I need to see a doctor.' His friend suggested, 'Don't do that. There is a computer in a pharmacy that can analyze anything faster and cheaper to the doctor. "" Simply put in a urine sample of your urine and the computer will analyze your problem and Tell me what you will do . It only costs 10 $. '
Bill thought he had nothing to lose, he took his urine sample to the pharmacy. Find the computer, dump the sample into the analysis place and put $ 10 in the machine. The computer started working with noises and the lights started flashing . a pause sounded, a small piece of paper slid out, on it: You had elbow pain. Soak your hands in warm water. Resist strong hand lift. It will be better in 2 weeks.

One afternoon thinking about how this amazing new technology is and how it can replace medical science forever, he begins to wonder if this machine can deceive himself. Here . He decided to try again. He mixed together a little water in the tap, a stool from his dog and a urine sample of his wife and daughter and finally he took some of his semen to mix it with the sample. to try on. He went back to the pharmacy, went to the computer, poured the sample in and put $ 10 in the machine. The computer works again with a familiar noise and prints a paper form: Your faucet is too hard. Make it lighter. Your dog is infected with worms. Let him drink vitamins. Your daughter is using drugs. Take her to the rehab hospital. Your wife is pregnant with twins. They are not yours. Come to the lawyer. And if you don't end up bumping, your elbows will never be better . !!!!!!

3. E-mail

A man left Chicago for a vacation in Florida while his wife was on business, so they arranged to meet again the next day. When he arrived at the hotel, he rushed to send an e-mail to his wife. Since he couldn't find a piece of paper that he wrote his wife's E-mail address on, he had to try to record his memory. Unfortunately, he wrote a missing letter in the address line, so his letter instead of being sent back to his wife was sent directly to a widow whose husband had died the previous day.

When the poor woman checked her e-mail, she just looked at the screen and let out a terrible scream, then fell to the floor straight. Hearing the scream, the family members ran into the room, only saw a letter on the screen: 'My favorite wife, I just arrived. Everything has been prepared to pick you up tomorrow. My favorite husband.
PS: I assure you that it is very hot down here. '

4. The term @ informatics

This happened at a computer shop in Vietnam, between customers and sellers.
A guest walked into the computer shop and told the saleswoman:

- Miss, I feel like your software is not compatible with my hardware configuration at home. When I installed her software on my hard drive, the problem occurred. My central processor suddenly weakened and died. I suspect she has a silently inpatient pathogen

- He died, don't say that. My software is good. Ensure clean, everyone who uses it is satisfied.

- No, it's really a problem

- Then, when you installed it, did you activate it properly? Do you adjust the input port for balance?

- Yes. I have done all the operations in a proper order.

- Can you please show me your tool?

He hurriedly picked up the box. The saleswoman examined for a while and said:

- I see your hardware tool is old and weak. Your generation like this is how to handle new software like ours. Must upgrade, sir. Would you like to use additional tools? Chinese goods are new, good!

- Does it restore and enhance my function?

- Yes, you. It helps recreate the processor, increase the size of the main board and speed up his clock.

- Okay, give me that now

- So please put the hardware up here for me to transfer. Unfortunately, my bandwidth is so narrow now that I endure slow transmission little by little. Don't take it easy and get it fast, don't make us clog, how many customers are waiting . !!

5. Scenes about computers are only seen in movies

- Type a long paragraph without using the Space key

- Actors never misspelled

- All words on the screen are 1 inch high

- All computers are connected. You can access another computer remotely even if it is turned off

Text editors on computers can turn off the computer without saving the text

- Hackers can break into all high-end systems, just guess the password several times

A computer has finished booting within 2 seconds

- Download takes less than 3 seconds. Modem works at 2GB / sec

- While you are reading an open file from another computer on the network, if someone deletes it, the contents of that file disappear from your screen.

6. Eat pieces, pay off

The programming team leader reprimanded an employee for doing something wrong. The next morning, he saw on his desk a letter that read "Idiot".

At the end of the weekly meeting, he announced the letter and said:

"I used to know many people who wrote letters but forgot to sign. But this is the first time someone has signed a name and forgot to write."

7. Warranty

Customers call a computer store: "What do you mean in the 90-day warranty card?"

"That means when the machine has a problem, she calls us. Within 90 days someone will come to fix it. After 90 days without anyone coming, it will be considered as expiration of warranty."

8. Drowning

Yesterday, there was a programmer practicing swimming in the middle of the lake, suddenly hanging out and sinking.

- Why didn't he ask for help? There must be many people around.

- But he kept calling F1! F1! Who knows.

9. Photoshop

Mary had a broken bone accident. She looked at X-ray film:

- Eww. Broken bones, broken ribs, cracked bones . But that's okay. We will quickly edit it in Photoshop.

10. Choose a lover: Computer is better than men .

- Computer search is not too difficult.

- Computer does not force you to adhere to "good deeds".

- Computer never asked: "Are you my first computer?".

- Computer doesn't care about your age.

- Computer didn't ask: "Who called you?" Every time you have a phone.

- Computer doesn't force you to have a son.

- Computer didn't read the letters, diaries and didn't make a fuss about what was read.

- Computer doesn't get jealous when you meet your ex.

- Computer did not call you by another woman's name.

- Computer never gets drunk.

- And of course, leaving the computer is easier than leaving the husband.

11. Close the windows

A project manager, a programmer and a computer repairman on the car were sprayed with tires. Three people started to think of a solution.

The project manager said: "Let's take a taxi and after 10 minutes we will arrive".

The programmer said, "We have a guide for the driver here. I can easily change the tire, then we continue."

The computer repairman gave an opinion: "Why don't we try to close all windows, exit, re-enter and try restarting it"

12. Buy Monkey

A customer entered the pet shop to buy a monkey.

- How much is this child?

- 500 USD - the seller answers.

- How expensive? - The guest bounces.

- Because it knows programming in C language - the seller answers.

- What about you next? - customers ask more.

- That price is 1,500 USD because it knows programming in C ++ language and object-oriented technology.

The guest turned to the monkey in the stall:

- What about this child?

- This one costs 3,000 USD

- 3,000 USD !!! - the guest exclaimed - What does he know to do?

The seller shrugged:

- Honestly, I have never seen it work hand-in-hand, but it claims to be a consultant.

Hopefully with these jokes, you will have moments of relaxation with your friends.