If you want to keep the pace of the conversation going on, watch that conversation as a ping-pong match .
If you ever play table tennis, you will quickly catch this art yourself. For example, when playing ping pong ( aka Ping Pong ) with someone, you will have to move forward and backward continuously during the competition. This is similar to the way a conversation is opened and maintained. A group will introduce ideas or ask questions - and the other group will give comments and answers.
The art of self-disclosure also follows the same pattern. For example, when going to lunch with a colleague, the two of them were drunk talking about food - and you suddenly realized that you were out of words to say. In this case, you can switch to self-disclosure mode with the opening sentences such as: " You may not believe it but I have been here for 10 years. In fact, this is also public. the longest thing I've ever done . "
By revealing some interesting facts about yourself, it's likely that your new colleague will also share something about them. They may respond: " 10 years, it's been a long time. The longest work I've ever done is only 6 years. Even so, but my wife has worked with me for 12 years, this time is longer than the time we get married! "
2. Don't Smash (a perfect technique in the table) when the game starts. First, start the game with gentle warm-up steps.
Going back to the table tennis metaphor above, think about the time you had to face a new opponent. If it's not an official tournament, take a few minutes to do the basic warm-up exercise with your opponent. This allows them to find out how the other player is, what their level is .
It is the same for self-disclosure in conversation. A small talk can lead to a deeper problem and gradually each member of the group will begin to share more about their dreams, fears and beliefs for others. Psychologists have noted this natural event as " an understanding of society ".
Of course, a conversation must always be balanced between being open and closed. For example, you may not want to disclose too detailed information about yourself to a new friend, but can be comfortable sharing with a long-time friend.
See also: Don't ever say "I don't know", try the following 4 ways to prove you're a good communicator
3. You will know if the person is a suitable partner after only a few "matches".
After the warm-up, a game of table tennis will take place at a more serious level . At this point, you and your opponent will show you spin skills, smash and even flicks. In other words, you will become more intimate and cohesive than the start-up phase. You will also know whether you really match your partner.
Communication skills are exactly the same as those described above. When you have reached a certain level in your conversation through self-disclosure, all will quickly become clear when you can become friends. Instinctively, you will decide this based on the person's beliefs, values and relationships with you. This is known as social comparison theory .
4. Practice according to your ability
Self-disclosure is not a simple thing . Sometimes you need to take a little courage to get out of your comfort zone. Even so, the results are still commensurate with the effort you spend. You will build friendships faster and easier. In addition, you will also know when friendship should go further and longer.
To help you remember and follow the main ideas, see the list listed below:
After all, self-disclosure becomes more natural when you have a deep friendship or relationship with someone. We will want to tell them about our desires and dreams - on the contrary, we want to hear similar things from them. So the next time you don't know what to say to a new friend, let yourself reveal yourself.
See also: 7 simple tips to help you make a good impression right from the first meeting
Having fun!