How to Stop Your Partner from Swearing

Talking to Your Partner About Swearing

1. How to Stop Your Partner from Swearing Picture 1
   Address it before it's a problem. Perhaps you've been dating for a while and your partner has held back on swearing, but now that you're comfortable in the relationship they've suddenly started swearing. Or perhaps your partner has always sworn, and you've simply dealt with it as best you could. Whatever your situation might be, it's important to talk to your partner about their bad habit as early as possible. If you wait, you'll only grow resentful.

   1. Some researchers refer to a partner's bad habits in a relationship as "social allergies" - the habits are a minor annoyance at first, but over time they can lead to annoyance, resentment, and even disgust.^[1]
   2. If your partner's language is a significant problem to you, or if you believe it may become more of a problem for you in the future, you owe it to have an honest and straightforward discussion with your partner.
   3. As with any bad habit, the sooner you address it, the better it will be for you and your relationship.
2. How to Stop Your Partner from Swearing Picture 2
   Be kind and understanding. Your partner may have learned to swear from their family, friends, or even coworkers. Many people are exposed to vulgar language socially, and those individuals probably do not see their swearing as anything offensive or hurtful. Your partner's swearing may upset you, but it's important to remember that they love you and do not necessarily engage in this habit to hurt or upset you.

   1. Let your partner know that you love them, and that you do not resent them for who they are. At the same time, though, you need to be upfront and communicate to them in no uncertain terms that their behavior upsets you.^[2]
   2. Don't discount your partner's feelings or lapse into judgmental behavior, as this may alienate your partner and create further tension.^[3]
   3. Use "I" statements to convey that your partner's behavior upsets you. "You" statements tend to communicate anger, accusation, or frustration, whereas "I" statements address the way you feel about the behavior.^[4]
   4. Instead of saying "Your language is awful and you're unpleasant to be around," say something less hurtful and less absolute, such as "I love you and I'm not trying to judge you, but your language is a problem for me."
3. How to Stop Your Partner from Swearing Picture 3
   Convey what you want. It's not enough to point out problematic behavior. You need to go a step further and let your partner know what you'd like them to do instead. Giving criticism without guidance or direction towards whatever you'd prefer as an alternative may make your partner get defensive or feel like they're being picked on.^[5]

   1. Have an honest, back-and-forth dialogue about what you'd like your partner to do instead, and ask for their honest feedback.
   2. Agree to a progression. Work on curbing casual swearing first, as some language patterns (like swearing while in pain, for example) may be more difficult for your partner to break.
   3. After casual swearing has been eliminated, work on your partner's swearing when they're upset.
   4. The last step, and potentially the most difficult, will be to eliminate reactive swearing (like swearing in response to an injury or shock).
4. How to Stop Your Partner from Swearing Picture 4
   Be willing to compromise. Don't be upset if your partner is willing to stop swearing in front of you but wants to keep swearing when they're with friends or family members. Remember that swearing may be a social "language" for your partner, and expecting them to change how they interact with friends, coworkers, or relatives may be exceedingly difficult.

   1. Talk to your partner about their limits, and convey your own expectations and concerns.
   2. Dialogue is important through this entire process. If you and your partner are not equally communicating what you want and what you are willing to compromise on, it can quickly lead to arguments and feelings of resentment.
5. How to Stop Your Partner from Swearing Picture 5
   Develop concrete goals. Your partner's behavior isn't going to change overnight, and it would be unreasonable to expect such a radical transformation. However, you should have a frank conversation with your partner about how you will measure their relative success in the effort to stop swearing. Talk to your partner about your expectations and theirs to determine how you will mark their progress and the eventual accomplishment of the goal, and remember to make S.M.A.R.T. goals (specific, achievable, results-focused, and time-bound).^[6]

   1. Set incremental goals. Don't expect change to happen overnight, but don't give your partner a never-ending timeframe or they won't be motivated to make any progress.
   2. Ask your partner what they think would be a reasonable timeframe, and try to focus on negotiations instead of demands.
6. How to Stop Your Partner from Swearing Picture 6
   Find ways to motivate your partner. If your partner is willing to work on controlling their language in some form or another, try to meet them halfway. Find out what would make them happy or motivate them on a day-to-day basis, and try to help keep them on track by being their supporter rather than their critic.^[7]

   1. Ask your partner what they like and what would help keep them motivated. They may have some kind of minor indulgence, like getting takeout from a favorite restaurant or going out with friends after work, which could help keep them motivated and on some kind of progress schedule.