5 'sunk costs' of happiness

Anyone who has ever attended economics classes has heard this saying: "There is no such thing as a free lunch."

This means everything in this world is wasted, even if those charges are not clear from the beginning. To achieve anything, you have to give up something else.

In the culture obsessed with happiness today, most people pursue the opposite: happiness free, all benefits. We want rewards without risk, wanting to benefit without experiencing pain.

But ironically, the unwillingness to sacrifice and not wanting to give up anything makes us even more miserable.

See more:

1. "Algorithm" of success
2. 6 habits of extremely "miserable" people
3. 3 stages of failure in work and life
4. 4 stages of life, at what stage are you "suffering"?

Like all other things in the world, happiness is also wasted. It is not free. And although what Cover Girl, Tony Robbins or the Dalai Lama once told you about happiness, there's nothing as easy as the wind that passes by.

1. You must accept imperfections and mistakes

Many people believe that they only need a home, a mate, a car and two children that everything has become "perfect". Life is like having a checklist. You mark people when they have achieved something, you are happy, then you get old after a few decades and then you die.

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Once you accept your own defects, no one can use them against you

However, life does not happen in such a way. Problems always exist - they change and evolve. Today's perfection will become "swamp" full of yesterday's stains and the sooner we can accept the ever-growing and imperfect life, the sooner we can Order your favorite pizza and return home (without having to worry about it or not).

Perfection is ideal. It is something that can be approached but never achieved. Any concept of "perfection" that appears in your cute little head is itself an imperfect concept.

There is no perfection. That is the only thing you can only wish for in your head.

We cannot decide what perfection is. We don't know either. All we know is what's better or worse than the present. And even then, we often make mistakes.

When giving up the notion of perfection and what should be "should" be perfect, we will free ourselves from stress and despair must give up some authoritarian standards. And often, this standard is not ours! That is the standard that we nurture from others.

Accepting imperfection is not easy because it forces us to accept living with things we don't like. We don't want to give up that. We want to keep them in control and let the world know how Canadian democracy should be and why the Breaking Bad movie finale (Turn left) becomes so messy.

However, life will never take place in a way that responds to every person's desires. Never before. And we will always make mistakes about something, in some way.

The irony is that learning how to accept this truth will make us happier, more respectful of our mistakes and those of others. And that is the good thing.

2. You are responsible for your problems

Blaming the world for your problems is the easiest way many people choose. This is very attractive and even creating satisfaction. We are victims, live on emotions and show resentment over all the terrible injustices that we have to bear. We consider ourselves victims to make ourselves feel unique and special in a way that we never feel in any other place.

But the problem is that we are not unique and are not special people.

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Always start to consider the problem from yourself first

The beauty of accepting your imperfections is that you no longer assert that you don't blame the problems you encounter. Do you really get late due to traffic jams? Or can you come sooner? Is your boyfriend really selfish? Or are you too perfectionist and demanding him too much? Is it due to a weak management ability that makes you not promoted? Or are there other things that you should have done?

The truth is often somewhere that includes both of these - although it varies from one situation to another. But the problem is that you can only fix your imperfections, not others' imperfections. So you will get used to their disabilities.

Certainly bad things still happen. It is not your fault if there is a drunken man on you, causing you to break your leg and have surgery. It is your responsibility to recover from that injury, both physically and mentally. So, recover yourself, don't complain anymore.

Blaming others for problems in your life will make you a little relieved in the short term, but in the end, it hides something secretly growing inside you: that you can't control your fate. It is the most disappointing judgment for all who think so.

3. You must feel scared and act no matter what happens

Courage is always accompanied by fear. Courage is to endure fear, doubt, insecurity and decide to have something more important.

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Courage doesn't mean fearless

If we recognize our emotional states and vulnerabilities from one moment to the next, happiness will rise and then abruptly descend as if a burial festival originates from Wall Street. ⁽¹⁾ which has now been removed. If you don't know anything about this neighborhood, it's sad for you. We want sustainable and "elastic" happiness, not rigid things and pleasures.

True, long-lasting happiness, which can make both adults and children feel satisfied does not originate from our immediate emotional state - even if the feeling of dizziness or irritation is so impossible that it is impossible. tolerable - it comes from deeper values ​​that we define ourselves. Ultimate Life Satisfaction is not defined by what we do and happens to us but why we do those things and why they happen.

4. You must seek a deeper purpose for your actions

A better way to say this is that you have to choose something that motivates you. Is it something superficial and outside or something more profound and meaningful?

Motivated by money just because money will entail unstable emotional regulation and many shallow, malicious acts. Considering money is a motivation for a person to bring a better life to their family and their children will be a much more sustainable foundation. This deeper purpose will motivate him or her to overcome stress, fears and other familiar complications that superficial motivations are often impossible to bring.

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Go for a deeper purpose for your actions

Motivated by the approval of others will lead to hard and unattractive behaviors. But considering the approval of others is the driving force because you are an artist and want to create works of art that can attract and inspire people in new and powerful ways that will be sustainable and much more noble. You can overcome disapproval, awkwardness and adversity that often rarely occur.

So how can we find a deeper purpose? Of course, not that easy. Then again, lasting, sustainable and "elastic" happiness is also extremely difficult to achieve.

However, one suggestion is that there is always something to do if you want to grow and contribute.Growth means finding ways to make yourself better. Dedication means finding ways to help others as well as you. Look for ways you can agree on these two to become your own motivation.

There is nothing wrong if you consider sex, money or music to be the driving force. However, sex needs to be motivated by something more profound than it is, money needs to be motivated by something more sustainable than just money and music should also be motivated by something. more meaning.

5. You must be ready to fail and feel confused

I once wrote in a book on the topic of dating that you cannot appear with the ability to make changes in the lives of some people without feeling confused and considered a joke in the eyes of those others.

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Don't be afraid to fail

The beauty in human nature is the diversity of life values . When you exist together with your values ​​and let them motivate your actions and behaviors, you will surely be defeated by those who have values ​​contrary to you. These people don't like you. They leave malicious anonymous comments on the Internet and give rude comments about your family.

Anything important that you do will always have people who just want you to fail. It is not because they are bad people but because of what their other values ​​are.

Some people are more clever than I once said: "Haters gonna hate" (those who are jealous will always hate others like that).

In any reckless act, failure is always a requirement for progress. And progress, by definition, is what will lead to happiness - our own progress, the progress of others, the progress of values ​​and what we care about. Without failure there will be no progress and without progress there will be no happiness.

Spice up the pain. Immerse yourself in contempt.The most important skill in life is not to find a way to avoid being defeated but rather to learn to step back and then stand up. Those who are jealous will always hate others like that. Don't care about them.

(1): Readers can see the movie The Wolf of Wall Street to understand more about the depraved lifestyle of people who are too greedy and want to be rich at any cost.