Older women often have this habit.

Some women don't suddenly become "difficult" with age. These subtle habits build up over time and signal that they're going to become more and more difficult .

She uses criticism as a shortcut to connection.

Instead of opening with curiosity — 'Tell me about your day' — they often jump straight to what's 'wrong': the way you washed the dishes, the stranger's outfit, the restaurant's playlist… Negativity becomes a way to break the ice. On the surface, it may seem harsh; on the inside, it's often a call for engagement. Unfortunately, constant criticism makes people more defensive than approachable.

She turns her preferences into rigid rules.

When you're young, flexibility is easier. Over time, some people move from "I like." to "It must be." - the temperature, the commute, the brand of coffee. This rigidity can provide a sense of control in an increasingly unpredictable world. But to friends and family, the underlying message is: " My comfort is greater than your spontaneity ." Limiting surprises may feel safe, but it also limits the possibility of finding new joy.

She recounts past sacrifices in the present tense.

There's nothing wrong with sharing history, but when stories of " all I've done for you " become the daily "background music," gratitude becomes a log. The listener feels indebted; she feels left out. Resentment likes to disguise itself as a good deed, but its side effect is emotional distance. People stop asking how you really feel when they expect a more apologetic word.

She hoards grievances like collectibles.

Every little thing—big or small—is recorded. Forgetting to call back, being late once, mispronouncing your name at dinner… it's all permanently recorded. Years later, she remembers the exact date and temperature when you borrowed her scarf and never returned it. The hoarding of grievances makes unresolved hurts feel 'archived' rather than 'ignored.' Sadly, the psychological 'archive' is not well ventilated; the air inside becomes toxic to everyone around you.

She used sarcasm where vulnerability should have been.

Instead of saying, 'That comment hurt,' she made a sarcastic joke. The problem is, repeated 'jokes' erode trust; friends begin to avoid honest topics, fearing they will become the next joke.

She scores points for generosity.

If she buys coffee, she expects something in return—not just a thank you. Favors become contracts, kindnesses become currency. Keeping track of who did what saps the warmth of giving; the recipient feels an invisible receipt. Reciprocation is important, but when every gesture is transactional, spontaneity dies. Friendships become bookkeeping.

She sees boundaries as ultimatums.

Healthy boundaries protect connection; ultimatums hinder it. A boundary sounds like, 'I need quiet time after work.' An ultimatum sounds like, 'If you don't leave me alone, I will ignore all calls for a week.' The difference is cooperation versus punishment. Women who feel chronically abandoned may turn boundaries into threats, not realizing the fear they cause their loved ones.

She romanticizes the 'good old days' to downplay the present

Nostalgia is sweet—until it becomes a weapon. Comments like ' People used to behave ' may seem harmless, but they carry judgmental undertones. Clinging to an idealized past allows her to avoid the chaotic realities of today. It also alienates her from younger relatives who feel inadequate.

She medicalizes every emotion.

Instead of acknowledging sadness or anger, she labels everything as 'just stress' or blames it on her blood pressure. Medical factors are real, but over-medicalization can mask the emotional roots of discomfort. Loved ones only hear the symptoms, never the story. Without a story, empathy is stifled. A pill may take the pressure off, but it can't replace the relief of being truly listened to.

Jessica Tanner

Update 25 July 2025