How to Overcome a 3-Year Crisis in a Relationship

It's the first major problem couples face on their path to happiness, and therefore, it's the most difficult one. But you can survive it, and there are a lot of tips that help deal with it. We've pulled together everything you need to know.

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Why is there a three-year crisis?

Back in the old, very old days, people looked for a partner because of separate duties and gender roles. For instance, women took over housekeeping duties, which weren't limited only to cooking and occasional cleaning. They also had to look after a garden and livestock because men couldn't cope with this task alone. Children used to help too.

When urbanization came in the 20th century, we began to move to cities, and that's when classic marriage became a relic of the past: people continued to get married, but there was no longer such practical benefit from marriage as before. As dates get official, two people tie a knot and eventually end up living in a tight area of the apartment together. And despite strong feelings, they begin getting on each other's nerves, especially after living together for three years.

The dating period is long over, both partners know what to expect from each other in bed, and insults start to accumulate. And just on average, after three years of a relationship, these three factors provoke quarrels, scandals, cheating, and complete disappointment.

Can a child help against a 3-year crisis?

To save and strengthen a relationship, some couples decide to have a baby. This isn't a bad decision unless it's not thoughtful. You should understand that a child is a great test for a couple; it will rather strengthen the current situation than correct it. If you have harmony in a relationship, a kid will only unite you stronger, and if you don't, a new family member will make things worse.

How to deal with a 3-year crisis?

Unfortunately, the majority of couples break up in the first three years of a relationship, having failed to cope with the crisis. At some point, you understand that your loved one is a stranger. The love is gone. If this is true for each side, especially if there are no kids, a breakup is inevitable, but it isn't that painful. But if both of you are ready to fight for your feelings, you can try to save the relationship. A good way out is a family therapist. After all, psychologists have faced a similar situation hundreds of times and know what to do. However, some people don't trust therapy, and your partner may be one of them. In this case, you can try these tips and prevent your couple from falling apart.

Have some rest. Together

Take a vacation and go to some resort by the sea, where you don't have to cook, clean, and spend hours in the office. Chat, walk, relax, read the same book, share your impressions. Let it be your new honeymoon.

Divide the territory

Even if you live in a tiny apartment, both of you should have a spot where your rules reign, where you can spend time quietly and calmly. If your partner prefers to spend free time somewhere in a bar, then they just don't have a safe haven at home. You need such a place too. Occupy the corner of the living room or the balcony. The main thing is to feel comfortable and safe there.

Kids and parents

If possible, don't hesitate to ask parents for help with the children to have more time for each other. Do not let parents into a relationship, though: take advice gently, but act as you see fit.

Ditch the accusations

Talk only about your feelings and suggest alternatives if there's a problem. It's impossible to find a common language accusing each other.

Experiment

Change hairstyles, clothing styles, sex positions, and your favorite restaurants. Slightly bogged down in household duties, you could forget what a diverse world is around.

Lesley Montoya

Update 08 March 2020