8 ways to win people's hearts

We all want to be loved by others. After all, being an "everyone who likes" will help you get more friends, be more respected by colleagues, customers and have more successful deals.

While it is impossible to tie or fool someone to make them like you, you can completely make yourself more emotionally attractive to people. According to Michelle Tillis Lederman, author of "The 11 Laws of Likability and Nail the Interview" , "You cannot make those People around like you but you can make them see your lovely points, all of these things, basically, do not need to use tricks to manipulate and deceive, but rather they must are honest ways of connecting and can make others feel comfortable. "

Jack Schafer, behavioral analyst, and former FBI agent and author of " The Like Switch " (roughly translated: "Switches" to make everyone like you) shares: "Sellers Good goods can do these things as if they belong to their instincts and it is this ability that helps them achieve success ". According to Schafer, "small things can make people like you. Therefore, you can't ignore them."

Here are 8 scientifically proven techniques that can help you quickly become an attractive person if perseverance applies.

1. Smile

Smile is a very simple technique. A smile can stimulate your brain to release endorphins that make you feel good. Moreover, when you smile, that joy can be spread to others.

According to Lederman, people pay more attention to your body language and facial expressions than listening to what you say. So, when you smile, you can make them feel comfortable, open and want to approach you. Don't hesitate getting a healthy smile with the Dentist in Oakland to get your confidence back.

The Likeability Factor (Tim Sander), however, emphasizes that you should not always smile when meeting other people. Because usually, when you don't expect someone to laugh at you or don't know much about them, we often look away.

When you look at someone and smile, it means that you are conveying the message that "I also like you" and this behavior will contribute to mutual affection.

2. Body language

People think after all, they are just animals that are wearing flashy and glossy costumes. That's why, besides smiles, you should use a number of other signals, such as lifting your eyebrows or tilting your head to one side to signal people that you are not a threat. .

Schafer said: "The human brain is always looking for threats in the surrounding environment. We communicate without words. When the brain captures friendly signals, it will begin to focus on those. Other things, therefore, it's important to learn about the signals so that everyone can use them appropriately. "

As the above two examples, according to biology, the act of tilting the head will show others that the blood vessels are important in your neck, meaning you implicitly show your trust in the person. This explanation seems crazy but it's true.

In stressful situations such as job interviews or meeting customers, your reactions are more likely to be confrontational, making you tend to be more closed and defensive. This is when you should take advantage of body signals and smiles to overcome that stressful state.

3. Make others feel comfortable

"If you want other people to like you first, make others feel good about themselves," Schafer said. "We have to give up focusing on ourselves and give it to the opposite."

There are many ways to do this. Lederman said: "Appreciate, acknowledge, thank, communicate directly with your eyes, praise, ask for advice . all these ways contribute to making others comfortable and feel themselves valid".

In conversations, create sentences that create empathy. For example, if someone is happy, say something like "your day looks great". If they respond: "I just signed a valid contract" then you can say "you must have worked hard". The opposite person will walk in joy and this emotion will also reflect on you. You will also be happier and more motivated to try to be like them.

However, you also need to avoid using flattery directly because it can make your opponent wary of you and assume that you are a lack of honesty.

4. Create a sense of respect

Have you ever wondered why Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey and Ellen DeGeneres are so loved by so many people? The reason is because they can make others feel like the most important person in the world during the conversation.

A few simple ways that you can apply to yourself are: "Leave your phone on your desk. If it's a meeting, turn off your phone and turn it over, don't reveal the screen. Look straight into the eyes of the opponent and show your complete focus on the conversation.If you go to lunch with a person, don't pay attention to the people around you but focus on the person sitting in front of you

You even need to pay attention to small details like the location of your cup. If the cup is placed between you and the opponent, it will become a barrier. So make sure they are placed at a corner on the table.

5. Listen

Remember, everyone likes to talk about themselves. When they feel comfortable in their hearts, they will also be sympathetic to you.

Start the conversation by referring to the wonderful projects of the opposite - things that they are doing or feel extremely excited about. Sanders stressed: "Listen until they feel tired and cannot continue to speak. Usually, this lasts about 5 minutes but it is the best 5 minutes of conversation".

You should also think carefully about how to ask the next question."Ask open-ended questions because they show you are interested in hearing the answers. From there, you can listen and ask more questions to help you learn more about the problem. Avoid asking questions, listen and share, similarly, when you say something about yourself, start with connecting, trustworthy and common points because everyone, multi The part, everyone likes people like me ".

Finding common ground with your opponent is also a classic technique in building relationships. You can do this by looking for things that you have with them that are similar, such as a hobby, habit, concern .; gradually, develop the best relationship or way that is through a third person to make the conversation easy.

6. Meeting

People tend to like people they are familiar with, often meet, such as colleagues, neighbors or someone they constantly "encounter" at the gym.

According to Tsaousides - neuroscientist, speaker and author of "Brainblocks: Overcoming the 7 Hidden Barriers to Success" , familiarity will create a big effect and this means, you have to be more present .

Meetings are recurring, but it is obvious that you should not meet them too much and don't make the other person feel like you are a prowler. For example, going to the same café, sending emails or leaving comments under their statuses on social networks is a good way to maintain interaction: "This habit is like a reminder that you thinking about them ".

7. Give and receive

This is a technique that Lederman says will improve every outcome. When you meet anyone, always think about what you can help. This action will not benefit you immediately but will create a huge positive effect.

Give away will create value and to apply this rule, you must often think about how to help others. For example, when you are in a business situation, instead of thinking "how can you reach an agreement and what needs it from this customer?" then think "what do I need to do to add value to them?"

According to Sander, in every conversation, you should try to give a little advice. This will make you different from others and make the other person feel more sympathetic to you.

"When sending a message to someone that says," I care and want to help you, "means that you want to tell them:" I am the one who deserves you to continue this relationship ", Lederman added.

8. Acquiring the views of others

You don't need to agree with everyone but make sure you make them feel you are listening to them. See their feelings as truths. For example, if a customer complains, consider their feelings seriously and let them know that this incident will be discussed within your company.

Psychologists think that when you acknowledge the feelings of others and pass on the message: "I'm sorry, I understand your unpleasant emotions" then you created a psychological effect. extremely strong, that is recognition. This also means that you acknowledge that they are not alone or silly to think in the way they are thinking.

Being recognized for comments is really meaningful. Whether you agree with that idea or not, it still has a certain impact on the psychology of the opposite person.

Jessica Tanner

Update 25 March 2019