Are you raising your children in the tiger parenting style?

The "tiger parenting" style is often misunderstood. Let's explore the true meaning of tiger parenting and how to determine if you're doing it!

 

What is Tiger Parenting?

According to Dr. Michelle Chung, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of the non-profit organization The Modern Asian Parent, " tiger parenting " is often seen as strict and overly intrusive. Typically, " tiger parents " have high expectations and make many demands, involving their children little in the parenting process.

" Parents often focus on success and achievement, while paying less attention to creativity, emotions, and self-expression ," Dr. Chung said. " This parenting style is often associated with Asian culture and context. However, it is also found in many other cultures and is considered a parenting style, not a cultural norm ."

 

In fact, one study found that " tiger parenting " wasn't the most common parenting style among Chinese-American families. Meanwhile, another study showed that many Asian parents preferred supportive parenting over strict parenting.

However, Dr. Chung argues that for those who adopt this parenting style, it stems from a deep-seated protective instinct.

" Typically, parents who raise their children in this way grow up in difficult circumstances, lacking opportunities, facing fierce competition, instability, and a harsher world. Therefore, the natural reaction is, 'I must equip my children so they don't have to go through the same hardships I did, '" Dr. Chung said.

Stemming from the value of hard work, she explained that this parenting style includes setting high standards for representing the family, prioritizing achievement, rewards, and sacrifice for the common good and greater goals.

" It's all for the future – the idea is that if children learn discipline, resilience, and develop good work habits early on, they will be able to cope with any challenge in life. The aim is not to dominate, but to ensure the safety, dignity, and long-term success of our children, " Dr. Chung added.

Distinguishing characteristics of tiger parents

" Tiger " parents are typically successful, highly self-disciplined, and resilient. If you're a " tiger " parent, you're confident, strong, and know how to assert your authority. You might also say no to your children on things most people do.

 

In modern culture, that might include owning a smartphone or using social media. " Tiger " parents who know this isn't good for their children won't allow it, even if the child feels alienated and left out because everyone else has a smartphone.

Parents of this type may also believe that pushing their children leads to maturity, while excessive praise makes them weak. Furthermore, they place less emphasis on joy or pleasure and more on structure, correction, and harsh feedback.

Typical signs of parents employing the " tiger " parenting style :

1. Feeling anxious if your child doesn't achieve top results.
2. Paying little attention to what your child wants or feels.
3. Focus on what is considered good for your child.
4. Control your child instead of cooperating with them.
5. Teach your children about what they can lose instead of what they can gain.
6. Focus on areas for improvement instead of celebrating successes.
7. Sacrifice for the sake of children or family.
8. Lack of attention and care for children.
9. Stuck in a black-and-white mindset.

You may recognize this parenting style in yourself if you find that the driving force behind many of your decisions is fear—the fear that your child will suffer, fail, or be unprepared.

Advantages and disadvantages of the tiger parenting style.

When raised in this style, children may experience the following:

Advantage

1. Perseverance and determination
2. High sense of responsibility
3. Respect effort and expertise.
4. Be confident in your own abilities.
5. The value of delayed gratification
6. Family responsibilities and legacy
7. Understanding right and wrong
8. Self-regulating strategies

Disadvantages

1. Afraid of disappointing their parents.
2. Difficulty expressing true emotions.
3. Believing that self-worth is based on achievements.
4. Feeling overwhelmed by the pressure.
5. Exhausted
6. Lack of self-awareness
7. Lack of creativity
8. Becoming fiercely competitive
9. Having feelings of low self-esteem and vulnerability.